Category Archives: Health

Aug 17

6 Steps to an Easier First Day!

The first time I left my first son at his new daycare centre, the scene was similar to that in a Holocaust movie when the SS Soldier rips away the screaming child from his mother as he claws at her shirt and hysterically kicks the air screaming: “Nooooo.  MAMA!”  I got into my car and broke down crying.  I felt so much guilt.  I was the worst mother on earth!  How could I have done that?  Leave when my son was so distraught and obviously needed me?  I wiped the tears off my cheeks and got out of the car.  I had a plan.  I would march into the classroom, snatch up my child and take him home to cuddle in my arms, where no one could ever hurt him again; but as I approached his classroom, I realized that the crying that was there just a few minutes ago, was no longer.  I cracked the door open a bit and saw my son, agreeably sitting on the rug with the teacher and several other children, listening intently, as she sang “out came the sun and dried up all the rain and the itsy bitsy spider…”.  What’s more, he was smiling!

September is often the month when preschools and many daycares welcome their new pupils and it can be challenging for many parents and their kids.  The good news is that most kids make peace with the changes sooner than you’d think.  Still, here are 6 pointers that I’ve picked up over the years about making the transition as painless as possible for you both!

1.    Visit the Daycare/Preschool several times before the BIG day

I was surprised to learn that many daycares actually have a policy, where the child cannot officially attend the daycare without at least 2 mandatory adjustments visits to the centre.  This is a benefit on many levels, as it helps introduce your child to the new surroundings, children and teachers; it helps the teachers get to know your child and it helps you to see how the environment, schedule, structure, routines and teachers interact with your child.  Everyone wins!  If your daycare does not make this mandatory, insist on it.  I hadn’t thought about it and it wasn’t standard with my first or second child but the third and fourth got this benefit and it made a huge difference in their adjustment!

When you do visit, stay with your child the first time but try not to use the time to play with her – it is supposed to be her time to adjust to the new surroundings, not a new place to play with mommy or daddy.  Be in the room, allow her to explore, find toys or books that she finds interesting and interact with the other children.  She should be able to look over at any moment and be comforted that you are there or even come up for a quick cuddle, but encourage her to explore and allow her to get distracted.

On your second visit, stay until your child is engaged in playing and then, move closer to the door.  This time, you will not always be in the same, predictable spot, but you are showing your child that you are still in the room and that she is safe.  If you are able to step outside the door, for a minute and then return, it will show her that you won’t abandon her but if she notices and breaks down because she thinks you are leaving her, come back into the room and reassure her with cuddles and kisses.

2.    Talk to the TEACHER (not the administrators)

During one of your pre-start-date visits, use the chance to talk to the teacher, tell her about the things your child likes to do and what he finds particularly irritating.  Is he sensitive or afraid of certain noises or characters?  Which books or characters does he find comfort in?  Mickey Mouse?  Barney? Max and Ruby?  Is there a comfort toy or blanket that calms him down or puts him at ease?  If so, bring it along and allow the teacher to use it, as needed.  Also discuss any allergies or special needs your child has.  Yes, this is on the medical form that you have filled out BUT it doesn’t hurt to mention it again.  My daughter was switched from one classroom to another and the teacher from her old classroom had forgotten to communicate to the new teacher that she had an egg allergy.  Next thing I know, I’m flying to pick her up because she’s broken out in hives and is all itchy after the snack – egg sandwiches!  Thankfully, it wasn’t a life-threatening allergy and she was fine but it never hurts to repeat things.  The teachers are human and they are taking care of a number of other children.

Keep the lines of communication very open between you and your child’s teacher throughout the year.  When you pick your child up from school, you are likely to hear “He had a great day today!”  Oh, if I had a dime for every time I heard that…  Don’t take that at face value.  Ask specific questions about how he is getting along with the other kids, how long he slept, what he did or didn’t like that day, etc.  Many places will give you a summary sheet that may have a lot of this information on it already but you’d be surprised at what else you can learn with just a few simple questions.

3.    Read books and discuss

A few weeks before the first day, discuss with your child how BIG she is getting (even if she cannot talk back – they understand more than you would think long before they can communicate).  Visit a library or a bookstore and get some books about kids like her starting school.  Focus on the POSITIVE – talk about all the friends she will meet, the toys she will play with, how much fun she will have…  Reassure.

4.    Get the supplies list and Include your child in the planning

Most daycares and preschools will have a list of things you will need to bring with you on the first day of school.  Things like a sippy cup, bib, several changes of clothing, extra diapers and wipes, a blanket and pillow, outdoor shoes, diaper cream, teethers, pacifiers, favourite toy, dish & spoon, a potty, etc.  If he is old enough to participate, allow your child to pick out a little backpack with his favourite cup.  Bring him along when you buy these things and let him choose.  The night before, prepare his clothing together and emphasize what a BIG boy he is and how great it will be!

5.    On the big day…

Deep breath!  You can do this and it will be great!  Bring your child in, give her lots of encouragement and hugs but be firm in explaining that you will leave and that you will return at a specific time that she will understand – after sleep time, or after the second snack.  Now GO!  The important thing that I have learned here, is that there is a distinct and rather short window of opportunity to leave and cause minimal damage but you can easily OVERstay that window of time and make it worse for you both.  DON’T LINGER!  When it’s time to go, say goodbye and allow the teacher to take it from there – even if your daughter is clawing at your pearl necklace and has already left scratch marks in your shoulder.  You can stand behind the door or down the hall for a bit to listen for when she calms down but don’t torture her by allowing her to see you.  That’s teasing.  You’ll probably get into your car and shed a tear… it’ll be okay.

NOTE: I’m a strong believer in TELLING your kids that you are leaving and saying goodbye.  I believe this builds a trusting relationship between you and your child and it shows them that you are reliable.  However, some parents choose to sneak away when the child is busy playing, to minimize the separation trauma.  I’m not a psychologist, but kids are pretty smart and eventually, they do figure out that you’ve sneaked out… Still, I’m not judging.  Whatever works and makes you and your child most comfortable…

Call throughout the day to see how your child is doing and how he has adjusted.  In most cases, the tears are very short and are gone within the first twenty minutes.  If your daycare/preschool has cameras in the classroom, be sure that you are all set up with the passwords so you can catch a glance throughout the day.

6.    If they’re old enough to talk…

Make a point to spend a few minutes before bedtime each night, talking about the day.  Ask your child who his friends are, if there are any kids he doesn’t like in the class and why?  Ask probing questions and allow him to blabber about things that most likely, have nothing to do with what you have asked.  And then, LISTEN!  This is such a nice, winding down routine before bedtime that is both, reassuring and will make him feel secure.  You will also learn a lot about your child in these several minutes every night. After a long, busy day, it’s independent, quiet time when you have each other’s undivided attention.  As he gets older, it will become a cherished time for you both to strengthen your bond.

 

If the separation anxiety is still really bad three to four weeks into the change, consider visiting another daycare/Preschool for a couple of days and observe your child’s reaction.  If she adjusts well, there may be a problem with the first daycare environment.  If the result is the same, keep at it.  Some kids are much more sensitive than others and adjustments take them a bit longer to get used to.  It took my oldest over 6 months to stop crying every morning when I left him in Senior Kindergarten.  The teachers were a big help when I explained that he was an exceptionally sensitive and anxious child, so they were very understanding and accommodating to him.  To this day (he’s in grade 3 now), he is the only one of my kids who needs me to confirm EVERY morning that I will be back to pick him up at 4:15pm.  That’s just the kind of kid he is.

 

Remember that the objective is to raise healthy, happy, confident and independent children.  Confidence comes from independence.  As hard as it may be at first, step back, observe and let them take those steps on their own.  Will they fall?  Sure they will.  Will it always be easy?  Of course not.  But at the end of the day, when a whole pile of challenges have been conquered, who will be there to kiss away the tears and celebrate the triumphs?  YOU!

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May 23

How to take care of your pregnant significant other

A happy pregnant woman makes for a happy everyone else

This is a post, a message as you may for the dads, boyfriends, or significant others to the baby momma.

In today’s society, it’s easy to forget that there any major differences between the genders. Until your wife/girlfriend gets pregnant. Then the difference between the sexes will yawn like a great chasm before you. While your pregnant wife/girlfriend spends nine months growing a baby inside of her, you will be left to watch from the outside; While your biological contribution might be over,you’ll still want to be part of the pregnancy process.
Being a pregnant woman is tough. And a lot of guys find the pregnancy process a little bewildering. Not knowing what to do, they end up nervously backing away instead of stepping up the support when their women need them the most. So today, we’ll talk about how to take care of your pregnant wife.

How to Take Care of a Pregnant Wife
1. Respond appropriately to the news your wife is pregnant. If you weren’t planning on the arrival of a bundle of joy, make sure you don’t respond in a way that shows you’re not excited about the news. Inappropriate responses would include: breaking down and crying tears of agony, making a face of disgust, or asking why she wasn’t using her birth control. You want your wife to feel confident and secure that you’ll be there for her during these trying nine months and that you’re willing to step up and be a great dad.

 

2. Read some books on pregnancy. The more you know about what she’s going through, the better equipped you are to empathize and know how to help. There are hundreds of pregnancy books to choose from. What to Expect When You’re Expecting is a classic and guides you through what your wife is experiencing during each step of her pregnancy. They have a section dedicated just to dads that has a lot of useful information. It also lays out the development of your baby throughout his/her incubation. I thought it was kind of fun to check the book to see when Gus lost his vestigial tail or his eyes moved from the sides of his head to the front where they belong.

3. Accompany her to doctor’s appointments. This serves three purposes. First and most importantly, it shows your pregnant wife that you’re with her all the way in the pregnancy. Second, you’ll know exactly what’s going on with her pregnancy and will be better prepared to help her.  Pay close attention to what the doctor says at these visits. A woman’s memory takes a dive during pregnancy and she may be nervous and excited, so your wife might rely on you to remind her about which cheeses she’s not supposed to eat. Finally, seeing your baby’s picture, even when it looks like an indistinguishable lump, and hearing its heartbeat will help create a fetus/father bond. Even if you’re really busy at work or school, always make time for the doctor’s appointments.

4. Reduce her stress. Pregnancy is physically and emotionally demanding, so don’t burden your  pregnant wife with any unneeded pressure. Take on more of the household chores so your wife can rest.  Offer to do the shopping, pick things up from the floor for her.  Her hands and feet will start to swell and the simplest things such as tying ones shoes will become difficult.  Want to be a true hero?  Offer to shave her legs or paint her toenails.

5. Help her get some ZZZs. Sleeping will become a more and more uncomfortable as your wife gets further along in her pregnancy.  When women sleep on their back, the baby’s weight puts pressure on their spine, back muscles, intestines, and major blood vessels. All this can lead to pain, decreased circulation, and consequently trouble falling asleep. On top of that, the baby could be using your wife’s uterus as a punching bag right around bedtime. Try falling asleep when you’re getting punched and kicked from the inside.There are a few things you can do to help your pregnant wife get some shuteye.

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  • Get your wife a full body pillow. Pregnant woman are supposed to sleep on their side instead of on their back or stomach. A full body pillow makes side sleeping a bit more comfortable by helping support the back and cradling your wife’s belly.
  • Backrubs right before bed.
  • Herbal tea that relaxes the mind and body.
  • Cuddling
  • Sexy time.

 

 

 

 

7. Be patient. Pregnancy totally wreaks havoc on your wife’s hormones. Some days she’ll feel fantastic, some days she’ll bite your head off as soon as you open your mouth, and some days she’ll break down and cry for no reason at all. Be patient and recognize that it’s the hormones. Also, be understanding when it comes to your love life. Your wife’s sex drive will be all over the place during her pregnancy: often plummeting in the first trimester, bouncing back in the second and falling again in the third. Patience, friend, patience.

8. Handling frequent peeing. Pregnant women pee frequently. Very frequently. I’m talking every 30 minutes they’re making a run for the bathroom. It’s kind of funny, but put yourself in your wife’s shoes, and you’ll see just how much of an inconvenience it is. Imagine having to get up three times during a movie or several times in the middle of the night just to take a leak. Two things you can do to help your wife out in this area:

  •  First, be understanding and accommodating. Don’t roll your eyes or grumble under your breath when your wife asks you to pull over into a gas station so she can go to the bathroom.
  •  Second, keep her path to the bathroom clear so she doesn’t trip over anything during her night trips. Installing a night light in the hallway can be really helpful as well.

9. Act like you’re pregnant. No, I don’t mean you need to put on one of those ridiculous bodysuits that let men know what it feels like to be pregnant. Nor am I encouraging wild mood swings and consuming ice cream sprinkled with pickle juice. What I’m talking about here is adding or dropping the same habits your wife has to add or drop because she’s pregnant. It’s a way to show moral support and to help her follow doctor’s orders as closely as she can. So when your wife has to give up alcohol and coffee, become a teetotaler too (or at least don’t imbibe in front of her). Exercise is incredibly beneficial to mom and baby to be, so help her get in the habit by offering to go for a walk or to the gym together.

10. Tell her she’s beautiful and that you love her. Your wife will be undergoing some serious body transformations during pregnancy. Reassure her that you think she’s beautiful and that you love her immensely. Affirm your unwavering dedication to her each and every day.

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11. Help her through morning sickness. Morning sickness is quite possibly the worst part of pregnancy (well, besides that whole labor thing). It strikes about 75 percent of all pregnant women. Symptoms of morning sickness include headaches, excessive sleepiness and of course feelings of nausea and sometimes vomiting. Most women will start feeling the symptoms of morning sickness about a month after conception, and it will typically last until the twelfth to fourteenth week of pregnancy. Some women will experience morning sickness their entire pregnancy.  Despite its name, morning sickness doesn’t happen only in the morning. Most women experience the symptoms of morning sickness all day long. When helping her through this rocky period, the key is to keep experimenting with different remedies. Introduce new treatments each day to see which work for her and which don’t. Be willing to make many trips, sometimes late at night, in search of something else to ease her troubles. Here are a few remedies that might do the trick:

  • Vitamin B6 supplements. Studies have shown that vitamin B6 supplements can alleviate the symptoms of morning sickness.
  • Seasickness bracelets. Seasickness bracelets are elastic bands with plastic bumps that apply pressure to points on the wrist. Supposedly this pressure can reduce the feelings of nausea.
  • Ginger ale. The fizziness of ginger ale or any other clear soda can help with nausea. And ginger has been shown to reduce the symptoms of morning sickness. So ginger ale is a winning combo. Most popular brands of ginger ale don’t have any real ginger in them; look for smaller, independent brands that still use the real McCoy.
  • Crackers. The problem with morning sickness is that your wife will not feel like eating much, but an empty stomach will only make the feelings of nausea worse. Crackers are easy on the stomach and can stave off the nausea that starts in the morning. Have her eat some before she even gets out of bed.
  • Ginger or peppermint tea. As with ginger, peppermint has been shown to help reduce the feelings of nausea associated with morning sickness.

12. Be flexible. Some foods will be totally unappetizing to your wife one day, and the next it will be the only thing that appeals to her. Be flexible and give her whatever her stomach will keep down. Be willing to run out and buy whatever she craves.
Keep yourself clean. Pregnant women become hypersensitive to smells. Even scents she once enjoyed can now start her stomach churning. So brush your teeth and shower daily, or she may not be able to stand having you around.

13. Keep an open door policy for venting. Pregnacy, especially for first time moms, can be a little scary. Women wonder if the baby is doing okay, what labor will be like, whether they’ll have to have a c-section, and whether they’ll be good at being a mom. Be willing to let your wife vent or cry whenever they need to, even if it’s in the middle of the night. If there’s something specific that’s worrying your wife, do some research so you can confidently tell her, “Those pains you’re experiencing are normal and do not mean you will give birth to a two-headed hydra baby.”

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