How to take care of your pregnant significant other

A happy pregnant woman makes for a happy everyone else

This is a post, a message as you may for the dads, boyfriends, or significant others to the baby momma.

In today’s society, it’s easy to forget that there any major differences between the genders. Until your wife/girlfriend gets pregnant. Then the difference between the sexes will yawn like a great chasm before you. While your pregnant wife/girlfriend spends nine months growing a baby inside of her, you will be left to watch from the outside; While your biological contribution might be over,you’ll still want to be part of the pregnancy process.
Being a pregnant woman is tough. And a lot of guys find the pregnancy process a little bewildering. Not knowing what to do, they end up nervously backing away instead of stepping up the support when their women need them the most. So today, we’ll talk about how to take care of your pregnant wife.

How to Take Care of a Pregnant Wife
1. Respond appropriately to the news your wife is pregnant. If you weren’t planning on the arrival of a bundle of joy, make sure you don’t respond in a way that shows you’re not excited about the news. Inappropriate responses would include: breaking down and crying tears of agony, making a face of disgust, or asking why she wasn’t using her birth control. You want your wife to feel confident and secure that you’ll be there for her during these trying nine months and that you’re willing to step up and be a great dad.

 

2. Read some books on pregnancy. The more you know about what she’s going through, the better equipped you are to empathize and know how to help. There are hundreds of pregnancy books to choose from. What to Expect When You’re Expecting is a classic and guides you through what your wife is experiencing during each step of her pregnancy. They have a section dedicated just to dads that has a lot of useful information. It also lays out the development of your baby throughout his/her incubation. I thought it was kind of fun to check the book to see when Gus lost his vestigial tail or his eyes moved from the sides of his head to the front where they belong.

3. Accompany her to doctor’s appointments. This serves three purposes. First and most importantly, it shows your pregnant wife that you’re with her all the way in the pregnancy. Second, you’ll know exactly what’s going on with her pregnancy and will be better prepared to help her.  Pay close attention to what the doctor says at these visits. A woman’s memory takes a dive during pregnancy and she may be nervous and excited, so your wife might rely on you to remind her about which cheeses she’s not supposed to eat. Finally, seeing your baby’s picture, even when it looks like an indistinguishable lump, and hearing its heartbeat will help create a fetus/father bond. Even if you’re really busy at work or school, always make time for the doctor’s appointments.

4. Reduce her stress. Pregnancy is physically and emotionally demanding, so don’t burden your  pregnant wife with any unneeded pressure. Take on more of the household chores so your wife can rest.  Offer to do the shopping, pick things up from the floor for her.  Her hands and feet will start to swell and the simplest things such as tying ones shoes will become difficult.  Want to be a true hero?  Offer to shave her legs or paint her toenails.

5. Help her get some ZZZs. Sleeping will become a more and more uncomfortable as your wife gets further along in her pregnancy.  When women sleep on their back, the baby’s weight puts pressure on their spine, back muscles, intestines, and major blood vessels. All this can lead to pain, decreased circulation, and consequently trouble falling asleep. On top of that, the baby could be using your wife’s uterus as a punching bag right around bedtime. Try falling asleep when you’re getting punched and kicked from the inside.There are a few things you can do to help your pregnant wife get some shuteye.

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  • Get your wife a full body pillow. Pregnant woman are supposed to sleep on their side instead of on their back or stomach. A full body pillow makes side sleeping a bit more comfortable by helping support the back and cradling your wife’s belly.
  • Backrubs right before bed.
  • Herbal tea that relaxes the mind and body.
  • Cuddling
  • Sexy time.

 

 

 

 

7. Be patient. Pregnancy totally wreaks havoc on your wife’s hormones. Some days she’ll feel fantastic, some days she’ll bite your head off as soon as you open your mouth, and some days she’ll break down and cry for no reason at all. Be patient and recognize that it’s the hormones. Also, be understanding when it comes to your love life. Your wife’s sex drive will be all over the place during her pregnancy: often plummeting in the first trimester, bouncing back in the second and falling again in the third. Patience, friend, patience.

8. Handling frequent peeing. Pregnant women pee frequently. Very frequently. I’m talking every 30 minutes they’re making a run for the bathroom. It’s kind of funny, but put yourself in your wife’s shoes, and you’ll see just how much of an inconvenience it is. Imagine having to get up three times during a movie or several times in the middle of the night just to take a leak. Two things you can do to help your wife out in this area:

  •  First, be understanding and accommodating. Don’t roll your eyes or grumble under your breath when your wife asks you to pull over into a gas station so she can go to the bathroom.
  •  Second, keep her path to the bathroom clear so she doesn’t trip over anything during her night trips. Installing a night light in the hallway can be really helpful as well.

9. Act like you’re pregnant. No, I don’t mean you need to put on one of those ridiculous bodysuits that let men know what it feels like to be pregnant. Nor am I encouraging wild mood swings and consuming ice cream sprinkled with pickle juice. What I’m talking about here is adding or dropping the same habits your wife has to add or drop because she’s pregnant. It’s a way to show moral support and to help her follow doctor’s orders as closely as she can. So when your wife has to give up alcohol and coffee, become a teetotaler too (or at least don’t imbibe in front of her). Exercise is incredibly beneficial to mom and baby to be, so help her get in the habit by offering to go for a walk or to the gym together.

10. Tell her she’s beautiful and that you love her. Your wife will be undergoing some serious body transformations during pregnancy. Reassure her that you think she’s beautiful and that you love her immensely. Affirm your unwavering dedication to her each and every day.

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11. Help her through morning sickness. Morning sickness is quite possibly the worst part of pregnancy (well, besides that whole labor thing). It strikes about 75 percent of all pregnant women. Symptoms of morning sickness include headaches, excessive sleepiness and of course feelings of nausea and sometimes vomiting. Most women will start feeling the symptoms of morning sickness about a month after conception, and it will typically last until the twelfth to fourteenth week of pregnancy. Some women will experience morning sickness their entire pregnancy.  Despite its name, morning sickness doesn’t happen only in the morning. Most women experience the symptoms of morning sickness all day long. When helping her through this rocky period, the key is to keep experimenting with different remedies. Introduce new treatments each day to see which work for her and which don’t. Be willing to make many trips, sometimes late at night, in search of something else to ease her troubles. Here are a few remedies that might do the trick:

  • Vitamin B6 supplements. Studies have shown that vitamin B6 supplements can alleviate the symptoms of morning sickness.
  • Seasickness bracelets. Seasickness bracelets are elastic bands with plastic bumps that apply pressure to points on the wrist. Supposedly this pressure can reduce the feelings of nausea.
  • Ginger ale. The fizziness of ginger ale or any other clear soda can help with nausea. And ginger has been shown to reduce the symptoms of morning sickness. So ginger ale is a winning combo. Most popular brands of ginger ale don’t have any real ginger in them; look for smaller, independent brands that still use the real McCoy.
  • Crackers. The problem with morning sickness is that your wife will not feel like eating much, but an empty stomach will only make the feelings of nausea worse. Crackers are easy on the stomach and can stave off the nausea that starts in the morning. Have her eat some before she even gets out of bed.
  • Ginger or peppermint tea. As with ginger, peppermint has been shown to help reduce the feelings of nausea associated with morning sickness.

12. Be flexible. Some foods will be totally unappetizing to your wife one day, and the next it will be the only thing that appeals to her. Be flexible and give her whatever her stomach will keep down. Be willing to run out and buy whatever she craves.
Keep yourself clean. Pregnant women become hypersensitive to smells. Even scents she once enjoyed can now start her stomach churning. So brush your teeth and shower daily, or she may not be able to stand having you around.

13. Keep an open door policy for venting. Pregnacy, especially for first time moms, can be a little scary. Women wonder if the baby is doing okay, what labor will be like, whether they’ll have to have a c-section, and whether they’ll be good at being a mom. Be willing to let your wife vent or cry whenever they need to, even if it’s in the middle of the night. If there’s something specific that’s worrying your wife, do some research so you can confidently tell her, “Those pains you’re experiencing are normal and do not mean you will give birth to a two-headed hydra baby.”

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Moms are awesome

My mom Michel!

So tell me do you remember what you were doing when you were in your early 20’s?  Let’s see, I was in University studying Ornamental Horticulture.  I had a bit of a side business as a landscape consultant.  I had a boyfriend, cats, a job at a nursery and like most 20 year olds I was self absorbed.

Let me tell you what my mom did when she was 21.  She adopted a 5 year old with a less than stable background.  She was going to be a stewardess I think (I remember her telling me once upon a time) but she got married and then she and her husband at the time adopted me.

I was pretty much with them quite a bit when I was a little kid.  My bio mom had some issues with drug use and was in and out of the prison system quite a bit.  My grandmother took care of me quite a bit but she was blind and also very sick.  So my bio mom’s brother and his wife took me in and made me theirs.  Yes it’s all quite convoluted.

After a bit, the marriage failed and I ended up staying with my adopted dad, my uncle you can say.  But sadly he also had issues with alcohol and illegal substances, so my mom swooped down one day, told me to grab a bag of clothes and took me.
At this point my mom had to be 25 at the time and now is raising an 8 year old by herself.  To improve our lives, she went to school and worked.  This is a time in her life to be out, socializing and having a good time.  When I was 25 I was completely flighty and unreliable getting tattoos and slinging espresso in a coffeehouse.
My mom was studying nursing and working in a hospital.  No child support, no help.

Eventually she met a pretty awesome patient man who would become her husband and my step dad.  Our lives were more stable, we moved to Alaska, they added to the family with my baby sister.
My parents are pretty independent and when my dad decided to go to Afghanistan to help with rebuilding the country, my mom decided she didn’t want to sit around and wait for him to come home.  She took a job with the U.S. Army as a civilian and moved to Washington D.C.  She built a hospital.  Well not all by herself, but you know what I am getting at.  The armed forces decided to close Walter Reed Hospital and open a new state of the art joint forces hospital.  So my mom lived in Washington D.C. and my dad lived in Alaska.  Even though they were far away from each other, they love each other very much.

Michel and Skip - My awesome parents

When Fort Belvoir Community Hospital was finished she decided to move to Texas to help with another military hospital.  My dad will be retiring in the fall and moving to Texas.
My mom is head strong, brilliant, incredibly talented.  She makes quilts, reads voraciously, and has the sharpest wit out of anyone I know.  People think I’m pretty funny, but my mom is twice as funny.  She’s generous and tough.  And to me the coolest thing of all is, my mom builds hospitals.

So to recap, at 21 my mom adopted a child, raised her for a long time by herself and in my opinion did a pretty good job.  I am smart, funny, occasionally brilliant and always awesome.  I read voraciously, can’t sew a stitch but am a phenomenal cook.
We don’t talk as much as we should.  I tend not to want to call if I have nothing to say or going on in my life.

But as this Mother’s Day nears, think of your mom and all the cool things she’s done for you.  whether it be taught you to embroider, love books or wrestle a bear.  (that would be super cool)

Sometimes I don’t like my mom, but I will always love her and I am more than proud of her and proud to be her daughter.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom!
Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

 

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